


why i'm staying right here

by Veniae



Series: the in-betweens [4]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Torture, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sleepy Cuddles, kima and allura deserve to be very happy, only briefly mentioned but it's there
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-17
Updated: 2016-09-17
Packaged: 2018-08-15 10:49:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8053441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Veniae/pseuds/Veniae
Summary: Kima and her relationship to sleep, dreams, and Allura in particular.





	why i'm staying right here

**Author's Note:**

> hi guys c:
> 
>  **content warning:** references to physical torture and ptsd. nothing very explicit, but do take care if the subjects make you uncomfortable!
> 
> title is from the song _awake_ by folly and the hunter

Kima has never been much for sleeping. She’s restless, unstoppable, energy constantly crackling under her skin and pushing her to do more, keep going for another hour, stay awake as long as she can. She does sleep, of course--she has to. She just tends to do it as little as possible.

Until sleeping becomes her refuge, down in the Underdark. During the blasted days and nights she’s held there, she can only find relief in her dreams.

Not so much afterwards, though. After her return to the surface, it’s back to putting it off as long as she can. Her reasons are different now, however. Darker.

She doesn’t know when the nightmares will come, but when they do, they’re dark and permeated with the stench of the chamber where she was kept. Tonight is one of these nights. Sweat and rot and blood, a bloated, grotesque silhouette looming over her. Again and again, she sees her companions being cut down, recalls all the ways her wardens caused her pain. It wasn’t really because she had important information; they simply _enjoyed_ it.

When a phantom hook, crooked and rusty, sinks into her flesh, Kima screams.

Her eyes snap open.

She blinks at the ceiling, eyes coming to focus on the uneven planks of wood partly obscured by darkness. There is a window on the left, the curtain partly drawn. She can glimpse a streak of inky blue night sky speckled with stars. Her hammering heart is slowing down. She’s in Whitestone.

Even better, she’s _home_.

Kima rolls to her side and comes face to face with Allura. She’s lying on her side facing her, legs tucked close to her chest, her right hand resting halfway between their bodies. Her eyes are open and searching Kima’s face from underneath locked brows.

Kima wants to smooth the worried wrinkle away.

“Are you alright?” Allura’s voice is only a bit louder than a whisper and heavy with sleep.

Kima reaches over and takes her hand. Their fingers twine together like it’s the most natural thing in the world.

“I’m fine, Allie.” She quirks a smile. “I mean, you know, relatively fine. Would be doing better if we weren’t at war with a gang of fucking dragons, but,” she brings their locked hands to her lips and kisses Allura’s knuckles, “better now that I’m here.”

Smiling, Allura brushes her fingertips against Kima’s cheek. Still, Kima knows her well enough to see the sadness in the curve of her mouth. “And I’m infinitely grateful to have you back.”

“Out of the Underdark or in your bed?” Kima can’t stop herself.

Allura rolls her eyes, but her smile isn’t so sad anymore, which is what Kima was going for. “I was referring to the Underdark, but I have no complaints regarding the second part, either.” Her voice gets lower as she says that, velvety smooth, and Kima’s stomach does that fluttery thing.

She really wants to kiss her, but before she can act on the impulse, Allie speaks.

“Is it still as bad as before?”

Kima sighs. “Yes,” she says simply, because what’s the point of lying to Allura, even if she _could_ fool her?

Allura’s face crumples. She starts chewing her bottom lip.

“Allie,” Kima tugs at her arm to pry her from her thoughts. “I can take it. I’m not saying I enjoy it, or that I won’t be relieved as _fuck_ when the nightmares pass, eventually, but I’m going to be fine. I’ve had worse.”

Allura gazes into her eyes, not crying, but only just. “Kima…”

“No, literally, it was worse when I was there.” She pauses and considers their positions. Could be better. “Hang on, let me...” She shimmies across their bed and Allura opens her arms. There are a few silent moments of shuffling until they end up comfortably wrapped around each other.

Kima rests her face on Allura’s chest. “Yup, better,” she murmurs.

Allura’s hand begins combing through her hair in slow, relaxed strokes.

“You know,” Kima says before she’s lost her courage (or fallen asleep, that’s also increasingly likely). “Back in the Underdark, I dreamed of this.”

“Hmm?”

“ _This_ ,” Kima repeats and runs a hand down Allie’s spine to illustrate. “Of you, of… being with you like this, and it kept me going. There were other things too, Vasselheim, the temple, but mostly you. Still, it was just dreams, and the reality was that… awful place.”

Allura presses her closer to herself. Wizard or not, for a moment Kima fears she might actually smoulder her. Then her hold loosens some.

“Point being,” Kima resumes, “it’s the other way around now. I’m here, and this is real. And the Underdark is a shitty dream. So yeah, this is fine. I’m fine.”

She can’t see Allie’s face, but she thinks her body relaxes a bit.

“I dreamed of you, too,” she says eventually.

“Oh?” Kima cranes her neck to look at her face. “And how has the real me experience been compared to that?”

Allie smirks down at her. “Satisfactory.”

“I should hope so!” Both of them giggle at that, and maybe it isn’t that funny, but Kima can’t help herself.

She presses a kiss to Allura’s breastbone. Then, she leans even closer into her warmth and closes her eyes.

She falls asleep, and she doesn’t dream.

**Author's Note:**

> apparently i have two modes of writing, intense angst or intense fluff. but lbr, kima and allura deserve so much fluff
> 
> thanks for reading! comments are most welcome, also feel free to hmu on tumblr [@veniaebot](http://veniaebot.tumblr.com) <3


End file.
